Please please please!!!

I am sure my sister will have an amen to say about this (right Cathy????), but when I was younger, I was a BRAT! You probably can't tell now, since I am so kind and giving (sometimes...), but as a child through my teenage years, I was horrible. I was horribly spoiled by my parents. I'm not sure if it was because they were older, divorced and wanted me to pick favorites, or simply because I was the last (and cutest! :-p) baby. If things didn't go my way, I would give up and go pout obnoxiously. I remember sitting on my sister Debbie's steps pouting for a long time at a family get together, but for the life of me I can't remember why. Looking back, I see how juvenile my behavior was, but then, I WAS juvenile....Nowadays I try to be more giving and caring. I try not to be selfish (although I am sure Joe will disagree with this statement until the day he dies, just because he likes to disagree with me) and honestly with kiddos, I don't have too many opportunities to be selfish. Here's the thing though... I don't WANT  to give up my gym membership. We talked about it and decided the extra million dollars (give or take) would really help us, but now I don't know if I can.... I know, it's horrible. Paying all the bills on time and paying the full 10% tithing are super important, but so is my sanity, right? RIGHT?!?!?!!?? Does anyone have any ideas? I could have a bake sale once a month... I could clean houses for cash.... Anyone wanna buy one of my eggs? I make cute kids! Nobody? That's too bad.... I take donations too! I want y'all to brainstorm some ideas for extra dinero for the gym. I'm a good cause, right?

Confession of the day: I smell.... yay overly crowded kickboxing class!

Friends- my own personal drug!

I love all of my friends. You know who you are! I have the most supportive, loving, silly, adorable, (sometimes) dirty minded friends a gal could ask for! I had so many positive responses to my talk Sunday from my church friends, I had one friend help me dye my hair and another cut it, saw my ldbff this weekend, and just now a friend came to bring me and Benny to his school because I could NOT find my stinking keys! (they were between my seat and the center console in my jeep... duh...) Last night we went to a friend couple's house for dinner. We had a BALL and Joe ate like he was a king! (sorry about depleting your food stores Wisemans!) I honestly think I would shrivel up and die if I didn't have friends. Joe would agree! He, in his own "sweet" way, calls me a friend whore. I L-O-V-E love friends! There was a speaker at Time Out For Women, which is a church run 2 day extravaganza of spiritualness and humor, who said that NOT having friends is like smoking 15 cigarettes a day! That doesn't sound healthy! That makes me think that the 495 friends I have on facebook make me healthy, or at least healthier... I doubt it means I can stop exercising (which I am FINALLY going to get back to doing since I can breathe again...) or eating better, but I feel every little bit counts, right? I wanna know what the best thing a friend has done for you is? What is something you have done for a friend that was super amazing?

Confession of the day: I bought two cartons of ice cream and waffle cones from Aldi yesterday... Don't tell the kids!

Running around in your undies!

Confession of the day: Sometimes I think it would be really nice to live in a nudist camp because then you get to skip out on doing so very much laundry... I hate, nay, I LOATHE laundry...

So, I like to compare and contrast, does anyone else have a child that could hang out exclusively in their undies (today they are Incredibles...) all day long and is ok with it? I get up after my children (jealous?) and every morning Tate is dressed. Sometimes he is wearing real clothes, sometimes he is Obi Wan Kenobi. Benny however, wears naught but the panties. Is that strange? It is currently 11:53 and he is still in them. I have tried to coax him into clothes, but he simply doesn't care. Is that weird? Should I be pushing him to get dressed, even if we aren't going anywhere? What do ya'll think? He IS only 4... Moving on, is anyone else super blah about today and the gray skies? Boo hiss to this sort of weather! My house is STILL a mess and I have no motivation to clean it! I LOVE music and have to listen to it for motivation most of the time, but I still don't think even that would help on a day like today...

Today's post was brought to you by the letter B and the number 4.
The end, Mama Ra

Information overload!!!

If you know me, you know I am not organized at all. My "office" has bills, random paperwork, Tate's artwork, and a Parents magazine strewn about on my desk. I have no idea what I am doing at this grown-up thing! Help, I'm drowning! I just had to set up some payment plans to get caught up on all of our bills, so we have NO money. Anyone know about some part time job opportunities for a stay at home mama? I don't know how we are going to pull this off... If anyone needs a mechanic who will charge less than a traditional shop let me know. Have you ever felt like you were drowning (I can't swim, so when I get into water I kinda look like Little John from Robin Hood, Men In Tights flailing about like I'm trying to fly or something. Total ridiculousness!!!) and didn't know where the shore was? Ok, that's enough of my whining for today. On to some fun stuff!

I told Tate that we had a lot of stuff that we had to do while Benny is at school and I said he HAD to help me. He was more than willing to help and he even wrote numbers 1 to 19 on a piece of paper, just so he could cross them off when each of his "jobs" was done. He made my bed (so sweet!), fed the neighbor's fish (1 pellet), loaded the dishwasher with dirty dishes he found all around the house, and even scheduled a break for him and I. I love my boys! They are so considerate when they can tell Mommy is going postal! Hooray! I did all of my phone calls and investigating for paying less per month options for bills. I lead a charmed life FOR SURE!!! Side note: does anyone know what all is involved in trying to go back to school? Are there any grants or anything for moms, even if they are married? I have one more year of Benny in preschool, and then I will have 3 hours free time EVERY DAY and if I can find online courses or something, it would be awesome. I'm pretty much just thinking with my fingertips right now, but I have to explore my options, right?

Oops, I almost forgot my confession! I have to give a talk in church this Sunday, and I haven't even started!!!! Ha ha ha!!! I am going to bomb! Hooray!

Love you all,
Mama Ra

 This is my clan. From left to right: Bennett-4, Tate-6.5, Joe-30, me- I'll never tell...

 I like this pic a little better, but I'm still blah about how I look...

These are my angels! I love them soooo much!!

Deep dark feelings... who's excited?!?!

Confession of the day: I had 4 cookies and a diet pepsi for breakfast... and I liked it!

Here's a little background info for ya'll...
I have never had high self esteem. I have never really liked myself. I have always been "too" something..
too fat, too stupid, too forgetful, too lazy, too tall, too ugly, too pasty white... I'm not quite sure who exactly I was comparing myself to, but I can tell you THEY are obviously perfect! I remember being in elementary school and doing dance recitals. Every single one I felt I screwed up. I stepped wrong, did the wrong arm movements, or my timing was off.  My Mom is a sweet woman, but she has no filter. I hated clothes shopping with her because everything was too tight, too short, or showed too much fat. Oddly enough, all of my friends are gorgeous. Ever since Junior High when I became friends with Lisa (who looks like a fricken Victoria's Secret model... love ya Lisa!), I have been last choice with boys/men. I had a few boyfriends in high school before I met my husband Joe. Not many guys like bigger girls, especially in high school. For some strange reason he can see the inner beauty more than any other man I've ever met.( Today is our wedding anniversary by the way. Happy 9th babe!!!) I don't even feel like a good wife or mom though! My house is ALWAYS a mess, and right now my boys are watching wii netflix. They do that a lot.
Ok, that is enough whining and wallowing in my sorrow for one day! The good thing is the whole purpose of this blog is to improve my personal feelings about my perceived short-comings. I hope this wasn't a major downer for ya'll, you know I love you!

Signing off,
Mama Ra

Side note- how the flipper do I put pics on this blasted thing????

My first post!!!

This blog is my public journal. I will write sporadic posts about who knows what, because that is just how I roll... I am embarking on a personal journey (that I am sharing with YOU! You are welcome!!!) to improve my self esteem and become who I want to be, no matter my flaws and strengths. I hope to be funny, sincere, and entertaining, all while figuring myself out... Enjoy friends!!